Jason Cotton's Blog

t is now actually 1:30 am and Jason is asleep.  I don’t know if he truly

intended to send this email or just save it for his journal but I’m hitting

send.

 

 

 

Bea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m laying here with a mind splitting headache at 12:30 at night and right

now there’s little they can give me.  Since I’ve been home I’ve taken 2

Viccadines and a Perceset.  Yeah I know the spelling is wrong but you get

the picture.  Yeah I’m feeling sorry for myself so sue me I’m entitled to it

once in awhile.  You can’t always walk around with a smile on your face when

if feels like your skull is about to explode.  Someone just today asked me

what if felt like to be cancer free.  I honestly don’t know.  The way I’ve

been feeling right now is nearly as bad as what it was like to go through

cancer.  In some ways its worse because people can only see the outside,

they see I’ve got hair back or that I’m back to work.  What they don’t see

is me sitting in front of a computer for a couple of minutes trying to

remember my password.  Or having to ask someone to repeat themselves

multiple times because I lose track of what they are saying half way through

a conversation.  A lot of times I’m just nodding my head like a damn puppet.

I’m not saying I took a stupid pill, I can still hold my own in most things

it’s just that somethings used to be really easy for me are now extremely

hard.  And what makes it harder sometimes is hiding how hard it is. I see

some people just getting by and here I am still fighting, am I fighting for

my life?  

 

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I know why Bea worries, she’s been around from day one.  And yes she’s right

I do hide things A LOT from people.  It’s not to prove how tough I am or to

prove a point of any kind.

 

I’ve had to deal with this for 5 years now and in the grand scheme of things

being tired and having a constant persistent headache really isn’t that much

when you compare it to what I’ve seen and been through.  I’m not tooting my

own horn or anything but come on a headache and being tired are things that

you can cope with and get on with life.

 

 

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