Jason Cotton's Blog
My Fight, My Life, My views on life
Update 2-18-08
Jason has been going through the chemotherapy now for a couple of hours the beginning was uneventful and pretty quiet, he was watching the movie The Transformers. He was fighting the sedatives earlier today. As of 2 hours ago the real fight has started. Jason is fighting now only the chemotherapy but he is fighting the anti nauseates, his BP is 152/111 and pulse is 160bpm. They are doing everything possible to calm him down so he can make it through the night. So far he has only taken a 1/3rd of the prescribed dosage. Jason doesn’t know what he is fighting he is just fighting everything at the moment. This will be a long night for him. I will post as I can.
Medications
Medicine’s are a funny thing, taken right they can cure what ales you or if taken wrong they can kill you. Even when taken right they can really fuck with you depending on what it is and how long you’ve been on it.
Now you can imagine I have a lot going through my head lately with everything that’s been going on and what’s coming up. Needless to say my mind has been going mach 3. Well when they took me off my meds last week then put me back on them all my body went through shock and like a computer did a reboot. I know, I know going through cardiac arrest and crashing for over 3 mins isn’t a reboot but hey I have to make lite of it or I’ll surely die from depression.
Well right now I’m fighting a bad combo that started at about 9pm. Meds and mind. I’m sitting here with all the lights out still up just having gotten down messing around with some computer stuff and looking at the time it is now 4:30am. I know I’ll be paying for this and that I’ll get many worried looks but what those worried people don’t understand is I’m even more scared than they are about whats going to happen..
A new day
Lately I’ve been down and in a lot of pain and that has caused my mood to be horrible. I’ve been this dark person that no one really wanted to be around. And to be honest I don’t blame them. To have survived my moods or lashing outs people had to don plate armor for protection from my wrath.
I had a friend sit me down yesterday and say hey knock it off or you are going to be alone no one will want to be around you. Stop pushing yourself, worry about you and most importantly sleep. It helped, it helped a lot i slept a lot yesterday and I fee so much better today. I’m frozen because it’s bloody cold right now but I’m better.
Thanks BB
Failing
The first step to failing is giving up….. I will never give up. Not on me nor on the ones I love.
When a Bruise isn’t just a bruise
When you have 152 of them on your body and a couple of them are deep tissue bruises. I had to go to the hospital last night to get one on my thigh drained because it was swollen so bad and stretching my skin.
Suprisingly Bea hasn’t really laid into me like she normally would she’s just giving me “the look”
Oh the bruises came from an act of stupidity of me moving and packing up 90% of my stuff to move instead of waiting for help.
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