Jason Cotton's Blog

Many times when we do things, at the moment of doing them we don’t think of how it effects others.  Cancer for example, I did everything in my power to survive and live that in doing so I damaged some friendships and destroyed others.  At the time what was more important life or someones feelings?  Now that I’ve been free of cancer for awhile again I need to pay attention again to those friends and loved ones that were there for me for so long and not necessarily “fix” what I did but make amends.  

Now that I’m able to talk about it with them tell them why I did the things I did made the choices I made.  Good and bad.

It’s not about cancer or suicide or…. well life.  Everything we do has a repercussion good or bad.  

I’ve been put on the receiving end of a bad with the Suicide of a friend, I’m responsible now for many things that honestly I’m not equipped to handle.  Like I’ve said before suicide isn’t an option in my world it’s selfish and thoughtless and it effects others more than realized.  

How you deal with the repercussions and your actions is the true mark of the person you are.

Have you ever met someone that “completes you”? For the longest of times I thought things like that was nothing but a load of crap. That there wasn’t such a thing as true love. Then I met her, friends thought that it was an infatuation or a kiddy dream.

That was over 4 years ago. We spoke those 3 fateful words, “I love you” without ever meeting each other face to face. That first time didn’t happen until a year or more later.

Now things haven’t been all flowers and picket fences. It’s been more like deaths (multiple on my part) and extreme hardships. But through everything we’ve worked things out. She’s been there through everything with me and my family not wavering when things got bad. Even when some of my friends who aren’t here anymore attacked her telling her she wasn’t there enough for me, she stayed out of love. They are gone and she’s still here, what does that tell you?

I don’t ever want to put her through the pain of watching me go through what I have been because I know that it hurts her even worse having to sit back and watch me suffer. That’s something they never tell you when you are going through something like cancer.

I never really believed in Love before I met her. I do now.

Her name is Crystal.