Tomorrow is mine.  It’s not a big deal beacause I turn 40, it’s the fact that I’m here to see it.  People ask how I can keep perspective of everything thats been going on in my life and I keep saying all how you look at it and how you let it rule you.  By all accounts I’m not supposed to be alive today or tomorrow.  Hell I didnt know if I’d see a tomorrow for many years.

I didnt do this alone I had the best support group ever imaginable.  I put them all through many sleepless nights, gave them grey hairs,…it goes on and on.

So tomorrow im 40, and I’m 5 for those of you who suffered ’08 with me.  It’s a great, I can’t thank those who’ve been on this ride for so many years enough. I didnt do this alone.

I was told it would be days, then I was told I’d never see the next year. Then lastly they said I’d not be in remission ever.

How does it feel to be wrong yet again? As Tyler used to say, “Silly Doctors don’t know nuffin”

I figured out why I fought so hard and for so long. Yeah I know I’m slow, but the simple shit is often looked over.

Why did I fight? I wanted what was mine, what my parents gave me.

I wanted and still want my life.

Mine, not cancer’s, not anyone’s.

Mine

What made this so special Jason you ask.  Grandma has recently went through major surgeries related to cancer. Granpa has alzhimers and doesn’t remember yesterday.  All of that doesn’t matter, what truly matters is the laughter, love, and learning.

I wish I’d had the chance to hear my grandpa tell me what he saw on Pellelliu, and my Grandma’s. …. to hear their stories again.  These are the moments we forget to treasure before it’s too late.

Really think about it. That person who cut you off. The no service customer service person. I could go on and on with the list.
My question is why? Why do we allow anger to be such a force?

The simple answer is because it’s easy. The path of least resistance and through the years society has taught us that it’s an appropriate behavior. I’m just as guilty as the I ask you to try like I am. I am trying to change this and let us as individuals teach society instead of society teaching us and our children.

Those who have been a part of this journey/ride need no introductions they know who they are and if you don’t well you need to go back and read some to see who they are, I thank you yet again for staying with me.

Now those doctor’s that told me to go home and take care of my affairs I say to you once again fuck you all.  I fought to win you bastards. 

I won

Its simple. I’m living now not fighting for my life nor am I anywhere near death in body or spirit.
Here is to 30 days of living and to more records to be made.

To be honest one of the reasons I’ve not written much is that I have been trying to step more and more away from the cancer world and not allow it to control my life and actions. I’m about to pass my old record for remission and I’m coming up on my two year mark. If I write about cancer I feel like I’m taking steps backwards, living in the past per say. Cancer effected me and my loved ones in so many painful ways that I want to move on from that. And move on from the person that I was while going through my fight.

In 5 days I’m entering a new chapter of my life. What does it hold for me?

I don’t know but the adventure will be fun.